We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
