Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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