smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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