3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
