it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
