k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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