Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
