First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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