I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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