Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
