I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
how does that bad decision feel?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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