paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
