another moral hangover. fuck.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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