Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
