I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize