Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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