It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
