Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize