butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
