I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize