his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
