i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
