Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I understand Curling. That high.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
