I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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