im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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