all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Oh god it's open bar.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
