hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
