Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
