I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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