It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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