I think my fart just growled at me.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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