he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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