we're blogging at a bar
Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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