I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
