We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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