my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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