So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
