She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Randomize
