she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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