Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
