I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was like eating out sand paper
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
