I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
