cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Mom said you looked used
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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