This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
