told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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