I love black thongs
I accidentally had phone sex last night
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize