I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
