I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Randomize
