I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
