just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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