I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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