thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
