We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
