Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
