remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize