The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
