So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
