Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize