well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Randomize
