Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
