I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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