ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
